His stomach had been bothering him and I can track when this date actually was as that was the first time we had done a telemedicine visit. So it’s easy to find on my HSA spending. It just sucks thinking back then to when it seemed maybe it was gonna be something like a ulcer or maybe IBS or just anything that might be treatable or chronic but not fatal. Slightly over a year and a half later, Larry was dead. And I still can vividly remember that telemedicine visit, and the scary part when the woman we were talking to said that Larry definitely needed to go see his doctor as it could be something more serious. She obviously was right.
I have nothing but time to reminisce, it seems. I try to veer towards good memories, but it’s hard. I do think about the end of 2019 and whenever I see pictures from them it’s a gut punch. Now it’s almost close to a year having passed and I can’t accept that. The world is a massive shitshow with the idiots taking over the asylum so we’re all stuck at home, and instead of grieving and rebuilding my life somehow, it’s not.
Fran and Joel went to Larry’s grave last week and facetime’d with me so I could see it for the first time since his burial, and it’s devastating. The grass still hasn’t grown over it and we have the headstone still on the way. But this year I was going to be back east to be there for the headstone reveal and of course I can’t. It’s all so fucked. Glad our incompetent, racist president can’t manage to do anything but blame others and do nothing during this pandemic. So glad.
Anyway, here is where Larry was buried. I love and miss him so much. I can’t be there to visit but I have to do my best to remember that’s just where he’s buried. “Larry” is not there – he’s free. I can’t imagine having to fight cancer in this nightmare we’re living in with the things going on, so I have that as a small mercy. I just wish I wasn’t alone as having him here to lean on (and to be there for him to lean on me) would be worth everything and make this year slightly bearable.
But yeah, just very hard to remember that initial moment in May of 2018 when we thought he was just “sick”. Never would have imagined that over two years later this is where I’d be. It’s literally impossible to have imagined this is what’s happening.
This trailer for the latest James Bond movie, No Time to Die, is fucking epic.
I got chills just from watching it as you get to see a whole lot more than what we saw in the first trailer released soooooo long ago. I imagine the majority of my chills come from thinking Larry would have been so fucking excited to see this movie. I cried after watching the trailer this morning for that very reason. Do I want to go see this in “November”? Yes. Will I? ….probably not, because I’m not ready to go back and be amongst a ton of people. It’ll make its way to the home experience soon enough and I am more than fucking satisfied with the set up I have here.
Anyway, this looks like a great time and here’s hoping there’s no more family bullshit to deal with in the Bond universe. All hands are on deck and let’s rock this. Here’s the previous trailer:
That song lyric/title came into mind while I was thinking about what to write for this post, and I guess it is that way as basically, the Janelle and Kaysar show is about to end, and we’ll soon be at a point where Big Brother will effectively be restarting. It’ll be that way because without “Jaysar” in the house, there won’t be the fairly easy targets to discuss, and finally we’ll have some intra-house drama. Alas, it does seem like the 6 that are aligned are pretty strong and honestly keep winning comps. The others outside of that 6 don’t really seem to know it? Or know that they should probably get everyone else left together? I don’t know – if the HoH competitions keep going to someone in the 6, then it’s like, this season could be wildly straightforward. But that is never fair to assume as seasons always end up surprising in some ways, as the inevitable alliance breakdown will always happen.
I don’t have the energy or motivation to do a full post about the ins and outs of the last two episodes, so here’s what happened:
The Veto competition was all about balancing a ball on a disc. Memphis won and didn’t use the power of Veto to backdoor anyone. Jaysar spared for one more week.
Nicole A fell for everyone else’s words that Jaysar weren’t on her side. She blamed Janelle for Memphis nominating her as well as not using the Veto on her….which, what? I always have to remember that people don’t see everything we do while in the house, but still. smh
Nicole A didn’t have nearly the amount of allies she needed and David was spared, although it wasn’t a unanimous vote, with Kevin and Enzo both voting against David, while obviously the 10 others did vote against Nicole.
At the HoH comp, the goal was to slide three beer steins, one on each of the long shuffleboard tables above. Whoever could slide and accummulate the most points across all three tables would win HoH. Janelle and Kaysar were last to go so there was some drama, but in the end, Tyler was able to get the most points and nobody could touch him.
With Tyler the new HoH, there is some potential for it not being an obvious week ahead, but from the feed info I have gleaned, yeah, the first phase/chapter of this Big Brother season is wrapping up in an unsurprising manner. Truth of the matter is that while most fans are Janelle stans, the houseguests see her and Kaysar only as targets to get out. It’s honestly not really the smartest thing, as the newer younger players really are bigger threats, but hey, that’s the game that’s being played. I’ll miss having these two in the house as they both get taken out over the next two weeks (or one week if a double elimination sneaks up on us this week!), but as I wrote above, the next phase of the game will begin and it’ll be interesting to see how that shakes out.
Status & Standings:
Outgoing Head of Household: Memphis Nominated: David & Nicole A Power of Veto Winner: Memphis Veto Used? No Evicted: Nicole A (10 – 2) New Head of Household: Tyler
Quick thoughts on the houseguests (I saw my BB14 posts and liked that I had a sentence of two written about each HG so I’ll try it again here):
Bayleigh: Her being in a duo with DaVonne gives her an ally, but I’m not sure what her social game is with the rest of the house. Floater-y at the moment.
Memphis: His allies and his foes were all tired of his shit this week. He’s playing his own style of game but it only served to really annoy everyone and likely pushed his alliance standing lower.
Cody: With him not as HoH, he doesn’t really contribute much to the convo. Still hot, and still a “leader” in the alliance, but how long will that last?
Daniele: She was notably annoyed with Memphis this week. She is also tight with Nicole F and a likely proponent of targeting Jaysar. Standing by to see if she makes a move against the guys eventually.
DaVonne: Her refusal to not vote against David seems short-sighted, although noble. Even when David flat out refused to give Day any info about who he has deals with, she didn’t waver. I wonder if he’d have her back?
Tyler: I like Tyler a lot, I just wish he wasn’t in that alliance. I’d like to have him in a different alliance that made me happy.
Nicole F: She’s honestly so annoying this season I can’t deal.
Enzo: He’s going to win this game. If not that, he still is going to make it to the end. His social game is so unique but he will never be the target unless he does something stupid.
Janelle: sniff, sniff. I want her to have had more allies and a bigger alliance, but that didn’t happen. She’s still the Queen.
Kaysar: There is a hot af pic of him and Janelle from Season 6 that just…damn. He is still very attractive, but him from 16 years ago (geez, all of us 16 years ago, amirite?)…. Anyway, he and Janelle needed better luck.
Ian: I love this guy, and he’s so cute this season. I would love to see him organize a counter-alliance to the 6, but I’m not sure he’s got that motivation. He probably feels his Final 2 with Nicole F is enough, regrettably.
Christmas: I honestly am fine with Christmas – I know she’s on the anti-Janelle train which feh, but I also like that she has glimmers of doing her own thing, like with Ian. More of that please.
David: I guess he has Tyler’s support for sure, but I don’t know why he pushed Day away. He must feel more confident about his position than what we’re seeing on the show would tell us.
Kevin: oh man, I don’t know about Kevin. I know he turned on Janelle and fed Nicole A all sorts of hogwash to her which derailed her game. He’s probably out shortly after Jaysar, if we’re being honest.
Alright, there’s that! I like that, and will do that again. Let’s see how things turn out.
Geez, Memphis gets his first HoH ever and he becomes a bit more Machiavellian than really needed…and honestly, wasn’t very good at being Machiavellian as the main point of Machiavellian strategy is to not really let the other person(s) be aware they’re getting Machiavellied. Can I say Machiavelli anymore? NO, I’m done.
That’s kind of Memphis’ face the entire episode. He was grimacing while explaining his evil plan of encouraging / forcing as many people as possible to play for Safety Suite, and then even when he revealed his top-secret, dastardly, no-way-anyone-would-ever-figure-out-his-ulterior-motive plan that then only he (and his trusted alliance mates) would be able to play next week (the last week). NO ONE WILL EVER FIGURE THIS OUT.
Except for everyone, of course. Dani here was no fool, neither were the Nicoles. I think others realized what he was up to but also just didn’t want to take a chance not to go for it. And then Memphis has to make it not look like he and Cody are in an alliance so I guess that’s why Cody ended up playing for it, and it’s like, isn’t it obvious to everyone in the house where the alliance lines are drawn? Anyway.
Have-Not Ceremony
We get a new wrinkle in how Have Nots will be determined this season – the 4 Have Nots will name their replacements. Ooo snap. It can’t be yourself or any of the current Have Nots, and this honestly kind of is great as I think there was a pattern sometimes that you’d end up getting screwed for weeks on end being a Have Not. Anyway, Memphis names David….
….and that won’t be the last time David’s name comes out of Memphis’ mouth in the guise of giving David an All Stars Big Brother experience. Ian names Nicole F (although she volunteers to keep him from stressing about it), Nicole A names Christmas, and finally Kevin names Kaysar.
The Safety Suite is Open
Big Brother amped up the drama a lot this week regarding the hour of Safety Suite open registration. A lot of convos were happening as Memphis kept up his ‘you all better play for Safety Suite as my mind is not made up yet!’ shtick. To NicolA, he laid that down and she was turned off by it and ended up not swiping. Plenty others did though, including David, Bayleigh, Cody, Ian, Kevin, Christmas and DaVonne. We still have to wait for the competition though, so more convos happen…
….this one with the Queen and Memphis occurs, giving me a sense of some hope that Janelle won’t go out this week? Obviously she and Kaysar could easily be getting set up for a backdoor situation, but she is working the angle hard that they’re both Old School players and there are better targets than her and Kaysar. It’s true, but still. Work your magic, Janelle!
There’s also this conversation between Ian and Christmas which pays off very soon, as he wonders if Christmas would use the +1 on him if she were to win. She is good with that idea and privately thinks working with Ian will help hide her true alliance but also allow her to play some moves just for her. It’s smart and could pay off down the road. It certainly pays off for Continue reading Play that Safety Suite OR ELSE!→
Yesterday was a good day. Unexpectedly a good day. I had made a plan to do a slow-cooker recipe for carnitas, and that honestly was the expectation for the day, in addtion to playing Railway Empire and Horizon Zero Dawn (which both are awesome and I’m obsessed). I got the morning started off right with some yoga (I’m honestly past counting the days anymore as it is a daily habit now, and I intend for it to be that way from here on out), and then I got the slow-cooking started.
Slow-Cooking Carnitas – Aug 16, 2020
Larry would’ve been proud. Used a pork butt that ButcherBox had sent to me (I’m still not sure what else to do with a pork butt besides carnitas), then got the mise-en-place done and about 8 hours later, I had delicious carnitas for dinner. SOOO GOOD.
The main thing though that made the day surprisingly good was that I was taking some supplies over to the home where my mom is living. It has been off limits for visitors so I expected I’d just get to drop the stuff off in the lobby but when I got there, guess what, apparently I should’ve read my emails from them as visitors are allowed again as long as you have a mask. So I got to see mom again for the first time in over 5 months. Even typing that just makes me sad. She didn’t even recognize me at first as she obviously wasn’t expecting me there either – I had Gatorade in hand and she asked me to put some in the refrigerator and then asked a nurse for her phone to call me and then she realized it was me. We hugged but I kept the mask on as it’s still an issue. We spent some time together but neither of us are long-term visit folks, so I left and we knew that I’d come back the next weekend. I took some pics of us together but she asked me not to post anything so I won’t. But I really was glad to get to see her.
The evening was good as I had an amazing dinner and then I went and set up the rooftop cinema for another movie:
It felt appropriate to watch it as it was definitely one of those movies that my mom and I watched endlessly when I was growing up. The soundtrack is still the best. Footloose was already in my head to watch again as the Number Ones article series this past week was in 1984 when “Footloose” the song topped the charts. Anyway, it was a fun way to end a good day.
What Else is Going on Besides Yesterday?
A lot of not much? But I’m passing the time. Most importantly and awesomely, Big Brother is back. I’ve of course been posting about this All Stars season as it’s just something new but also something I have loved for so long. I’m sad Larry isn’t able to enjoy it with me (despite his annoyance it he always would get sucked in). I do have my friends Mel, Nicki, and Sarah to text about it while episodes are going on, so that’s fun.
With Nicki visiting frequently on weekends, we’ve taken to playing the hell out of Ticket to Ride, and so I’ve gone and bought some of the board game expansions for it. We will have our enjoyment, dammit!
I re-discovered this picture of Larry from when we lived in Santa Monica (March 2013). It was when Stacie and Trent had come over for the day and he was cooking dinner. Larry looks so handsome here and has a great big smile while doing what he was amazing at, cooking and entertaining.
It’s my phone background now. It makes me happy.
I’m going in reverse-chronological order through my pictures since my last post and while if I was better about frequent posting the pics would make it, now it’s like, eh, no need. But I did try another recipe in mid July that was a Larry special: the cajun chicken pasta recipe modeled on what Chili’s makes. It’s soooo good. Larry had the recipe in Paprika and I decided to go for it. Honestly, it was really good, but not as good as he made it. But I can always try again. I was really happy to play with cooking chicken breasts though – butterflying them and then frying them on the stove makes them taste so delicious with a proper seasoning on them!
Cajun Chicken Pasta via Me – July 19, 2020
BTW, when Jon & Alyssa were out for last Thanksgiving, Jon, Michancy, and I went to pick up supplies. One of the stops was Mission Wine & Liquor and thank GOD for that journey as it really is one of those fantastic liquor stores that actually carries a ton of wine with many options and always always has the MONTEPULCIANO. I don’t think I need wine.com anymore although I did make sure to get my money back on that membership that gets your complimentary shipping!
I love Mission Liquor
Superman & Sound of Music – July 16, 2020
Watching movies on the roofdeck is awesome. It’s a little bit of work to get the screen up and the projector and sound all put in place, but it’s just so worth it. One night, I had it in me to want to see Superman up on the roof, because it’s awesome. It’s also long, and I made an intermission for myself as I was getting a little tired. I had posted a little about that online and Wendy brought up that maybe I could have The Sound of Music on the roof this year? Part of me reeeeally wants to have that singalong here, but part of me is also like, is that irresponsible? I don’t know what the best answer is. I could see having a few people, maybe? But it’s like, I think we could wait too. I don’t know. But for a moment I was excited and I decided to watch a few scenes from TSOM to make sure it worked up there! I also discovered you really can’t go up and watch anything until it’s actually dark. lol
I guess one last picture set to put up is actually what I ended up doing the night of my last posting, which was back on July 12. I set up the movie theater again for myself (knowing how to do it was half the battle!) and watched The Empire Strikes Back which was having its 40th anniversary and amusingly was the #1 movie in the nation that weekend because everything else is shut down. It’s quite awesome to watch on a big screen!
The Empire Strikes Back – July 12, 2020
One weekend when Nicki was here, we watched The Goonies up on the roof deck, so it’s been fun to watch some classics in that venue!
Those are the main pictures I’ve got. Everything else? Work is work, so that’s good. I dream about Larry every now and then, and it’s nice. Sometimes I want to post about those dreams so I can remember them later, but I usually don’t. Some have been funny – a while ago I dreamt about us trying to get a table at brunch and it was so vivid. Sometimes I can vaguely remember that he’s actually dead while in the dream and it makes it that much more surreal. Like, do I tell him?
Alright, I think I’m caught up. It’s close to September. It’s crazy to believe Larry’s death was over 7 months ago. I can’t really understand that 5 months have been lost just being stuck at home. It’s fucking stupid and I hate it because if our nation had had a coordinated response that made the pain last just 1-2 solid months, we’d likely be in a position now to be rolling things out properly. But no, that’s not this country. We’ve got “freedom” to act as selfishly as we want and god forbid your “freedoms” are infringed upon by being asked to wear a mask. People are just so fucking dumb. We deserve all that we are getting.
I love and miss him so much. I can’t be there to visit but I have to do my best to remember that’s just where he’s buried. “Larry” is not there – he’s free. I can’t imagine having to fight cancer in this nightmare we’re living in with the things going on, so I have that as a small mercy. I just wish I wasn’t alone as having him here to lean on (and to be there for him to lean on me) would be worth everything and make this year slightly bearable.
