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A Case of C-A-L-T-O-R-U

BB16 Episode 4 – July 2, 2014

Holy shit – the people in this house are just beyond words.  By that euphemism, I mean they’re really fucking stupid.  How?  Let’s count the ways:

  • Like last year at this same point of time in BB15, apparently everyone in the house never spelled a two-syllable word.  Christine was rightly appalled by all this, and voiced our horror as well as anyone could.
  • Devin is NOT a target – and in fact is influencing Caleb in his decisions.  I don’t get it.
  • I actually like Joey, but damn girl, you in danger.  And you are at fault for it too.  What in the damn hell?

Let’s dive deeper and see if this stink-o’-stupid will ever wash off….

The Targeting of Donny

BB16_Ep4_DonnyVetoYep, this Donny.  He’s the mastermind, the former Navy SEAL, the guy who can’t possibly be “just a groundskeeper.”  The massive brain trust of Devin and Caleb have convinced themselves that because of Donny’s hairless calves, that indicates where military boots rubbed the leg hair away.  What the everloving fuck?  McCrae, from last season, also got some of that speculation, but I could almost buy McCrae being some savant-genius.  Donny though?  C’mon.  I actually like Donny a lot now, especially with him being a successful underdog this episode.  He’s super genuine and it feels like kicking a puppy whenever the Bomb Squad does stuff against him.  I wanted to punch Devin after his complete obsession and dismissal of Donny’s emotions during their late-night forced confession.  Fuck you, Devin.

Only Room for ONE Alliance in Caleb’s House

Enjoy your slopsicle

Silly, clumsy Joey.  I think Joey is entertaining and non-offensive enough (at this point) but damn she totally played everything wrong this episode.  First, she VOLUNTEERED for the HaveNot room.  That’s not a devastating decision, and I guess it means you look like you’re taking one for the team.  But where she really stumbled was that really really terribly planned “Girl Power” alliance talk in the bathroom.  It was fucking crickets when she’s like, “hey, yeah, El Cuatro, man, to the end, vaginas!”  Absolutely every woman there was looking at her as if she had just wiped that slopsicle all over her nose and then asked if somebody wanted a bite?  Girl, NO.  You make alliances one person at a time, in secret, so that others can’t go run off and tell on you;  hell, you do it so that half the house isn’t seeing you holding court and screaming “Grrrllll POWER!!!”.  Obviously, Amber ended up sellling you out anyway along with Derrick’s cop-sense, but you clearly weren’t paying attention to your surroundings or to the fact that the game is being played around you.  Clumsy clumsy clumsy.

The Return of the HaveNot Room

BB16_Ep4_HaveNotRoomLast year was airplane seats – not great, but certainly something you can work with.  This year’s Ice Room for the HaveNots is pretty terrible.  It’s cold, and the beds are freaking blocks of ice.  Caleb was given the responsibility to assign the HaveNots and this week, it was a fairly drama-free affair as people volunteered.  I wouldn’t volunteer, but I get the angle.  So welcome to your freezer, Joey, Brittany, Cody and Hayden!

Hotness: Cody vs Caleb


Before we get to the Veto stuff, we have to take care of some business first.  My decision was made quite easy this episode.  Caleb was acting so arrogantly while also choosing to buy what Devin was selling, so even though he was parading around in some seriously questionable clothes revealing a whole lot of yum, my decision went towards Cody.  He rocked wet clothes during Veto and gave serious smoldering glares throughout the episode.  Welcome to the Competition, Cody!

New Standings, as of Ep4:  Caleb: 1, Cody: 1

The Veto:  Miami Lice

BB16_Ep4_Vetocomp BB16_Ep4_VetoBoradsWell, THAT happened.  I was amused that this was the first Veto comp, just like it was in the last season.  Still utterly disappointed at how stupid these people are.  Only 2 (!) of the 6 contestants actually formed legitimate words.  TWO!!!

Zach: W A R N I N G (A Correct Word!!!)
Cody: C O M P E T I V E L Y (He at least was sheepish about his idiocy)
Caleb: S E C I A L I Z E (his “P” joke was lame and his outfit was not hot.  Sashay, away)
Victoria: P H A R M A I S T (so close…)
Paola: C A L T O R U (What in the everloving fuck?)
Donny: S P L I T T E R S (the winning word – a really dumb winning word, but it fucking worked and saved Donny’s ass)

Okay, I think I’ll back off my antagonism for these words.  It’s clear that in 3 of the 4 ineligible words, they were very close to getting somewhere, and the words were at least ambitious.  They just ran out of time searching for the needed letters.  So I’ll stop being a complete asshole to Cody, Caleb and Victoria.  But damn, Paola.  DAMN.  Those aren’t even the right arrangement of letters for Calculator.

Joey may be the center of this picture, but all I can see is Cody rocking that tacky-ass tanktop.

So Donny won and can hopefully work on processing his insecurity by not bumming out those around him with his tears.  He took himself off the block, and Caleb was left with really the only readily apparent target:  Joey.  So up she went on the block.  Her efforts to campaign and do damage control really weren’t at all useful, as at this early point in the game, no one else has made themselves a clear target and you wrapped yourself in a nice little bow and made it easy.

Between Paola and Joey, I think people will vote out Joey.  Paola is mostly harmless and kinda stupid, so she’s not really competition.  Joey, on the other hand, clearly wants to make moves and if you can remove a possible threat like that, you do so.  But of course in the time between this Day 6 Veto stuff and tonight’s Live Elimination, things can always change.

Status and Standings

BB16_Ep4_StandingsHead of Household:  Caleb
Nominated for Eviction:  Donny and Paola
HaveNots for the Week:  Cody, Brittany, Hayden and Joey
Veto Winner: Donny
Replacement Nominee:  Joey
Team America:  Joey, ???, ???

As you can see in the scorecard, I removed both the Crazy 8s alliance and El Cuatro.  The latter blew the fuck up and it’s clear the Crazy 8s alliance went away after Day 1.  Donny still is tied to Devin, at least in his mind, so that fauxliance remains.  I’m also tying Paola to Donny as there’s an emotional connection professed by Paola, while also tying Caleb to both Frankie and Devin now, since there seems to be prime strategizing along those lines.  As for the Team America twist, at the rate of a contestant a week and the first member likely to get voted out tonight, not sure if this particular twist is ever going to pan out.  Probably should have accelerated that process, CBS.

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