Tag Archives: michancy

Ups and Downs

No doubt that this is a really hard time.   For me, for sure, but for everyone.   But yeah, I’ll say I’ve got a bit of an extra heaping of bullshit that can overwhelm me at times.   I had a bad Wednesday.  It was not good.  My friends helped me out of it.  I would like to say I’ll avoid getting into that mindset again, and I’ll certainly try – but that kind of feeling kind of is just hard to avoid 100% of the time.  Anyway, I guess that’s enough to let you know that I’m trying my best to keep going and I can do so because of my friends and certain parts of family.   Enough said I guess there.   I’m just going to post some fun pictures and tell some stories briefly about good things that have been going on, fun stuff I’ve been watching or playing, howza bout that?

Crossrope:  I added jumping rope to my exercise activities.   So in addition to my daily yoga (I’m up to 126 days straight! go me! Thanks Yoga with Adriene!) I now will either do some jump rope routine or I’ll do the Bodyboss band system.   Hopefully that’ll help in the long run.  I need the cardio and the strength training.

The jump ropes are really good and assist in making it easier.  I had bought some junky Amazon rope and it was totally the wrong length and material.  Anyway, here comes my swimsuit body, lolololol.

2 weekends ago (June 14), I met up with my PwC friends and coworkers out at Valley Village park in North Hollywood.   We were nicely outdoors and socially distanced, and it was great to see people again.   It was a really wonderful day, perfect weather, and we got to celebrate Mel’s engagement from the day before!  It was the first time I’d been out to a social gathering of any kind since the lockdown.  Crazy.

While at the park above, Mel & Josh (her great fiance) brought a cool Bose portable speaker.   I was jealous and bought one online right then and there as my roofdeck needs something and the Beats Pill that Larry had got so long ago back in Silver Lake as a way to get that AT&T phone extender is getting gross and totally dead.  So, problem solved.  I highly highly recommend it if you’re in the market.  The sound is fantastic, bluetooth, etc.

Very exciting recently was Michancy came down last weekend (June 18-21)!   I’ve missed her so much and it worked out for her to drive down and we indulged in drinking everything, watching all of Picard, playing Ticket to Ride, drinking more, inviting Nicki over for rooftop fun and games, cooking wonderful meals (filet mignon on Friday night, and spaghetti carbonara the next even though I had basically passed out after daydrinking, managed to wake up and motivate myself as I knew the ingredients were there and goddamn it came out good), playing Just Dance and burning off alcohol, and overall, just having a fantastic time with BFFs while the world continues it’s march to destruction.  YAYYYYYYY.

After Michancy left on Sunday, I admit I think it was hard to come back down to reality and be alone again.  Maybe that was why my Wednesday was so hard?   Combination of reality check, my mom isn’t doing that great and keeps falling (I ended up buying a whole new bed after I had already bought her a whole new bed when moving her in March), and I really really miss Larry still.  I’d give anything to have him be here to get through all this with – whether it’s the pandemic, the issues with mom, my resentment of a lot of my family, the political nightmare that is our presidency…any one of those things would be enough to justify my alcohol consumption, but all of them at once?  And the fact i’m still grieving Larry and stuck alone for most of it?   It’s hard.   The good times pre- his final descent are what keep me smiling, but I can remember those last 3 months vividly and it wrecks me.  What he went through and to witness it.  It’s just fucking not fair and I fucking hate everything at times. Most times, really.

My friends talked me from the ledge Wednesday and on Thursday, as we had a nice zoom call and I can’t tell you how much I love them.   We’ll get through this all together.  I think Nicki probably recognized that maybe I might need some friendship and I recognize I do, so I invited her over this weekend to hang out, so we did.   It was a fun day and a half – we hung out and enjoyed the roof deck yesterday and I introduced her to the game of Mastermind, which is an old favorite my mom and I used to play way back in the day.  It’s a classic, and perfect for 2 players.  Then we watched two seasons of Search Party and damn, that show is something else.   It’s funny as hell and I love the characters, but it is a show that goes to some surprisingly dark places and there’s really no way it doesn’t continue to get darker.  The 3rd season is out now, so I guess we’ll be able to catch up.  We also watched a super fun movie on Netflix:

Eurovision, ABBA, Will Farrell, Rachel McAdams… hot Russian backup dancers and promises of even more great European songs?  I was in long before this came out, but holy shit, the final product is fantastic.   I really liked that it didn’t make fun of Eurovision – the original songs are like, really good.  Anyway, Jaja Ding Dong!

For dinner last night, we made Larry’s arroz con pollo recipe and it really is just a stupendous dish and it was nice to make that, hopefully with Larry smiling in satisfaction somewhere out there.

What else have I been watching or doing?

  • Detroit: Become Human – I heard about this game by seeing a picture of this cute guy from it and because i apparently can’t help but be distracted by hot guys, I read into it.  Saw a sale for it on Steam, bought it, and wow, I’ve been so entranced by the game.  So much fun, and I find myself playing it far longer than I probably should some nights.   It’s a cool story game about androids gaining sentience, and the androids are of course all attractive.   Anyway, I Heart Connor forever and always. 
  • Twin Peaks: The Return: I’ve raved about this plenty before, and it’s just so good getting to the end section The Return.  Still hard to believe Larry & I went to Seattle and did a Twin Peaks day just after the conclusion of the show.
  • Control:  A really cool videogame about the ultimate terrible office building filled with possessed-by-demons humans and you have the only way of defeating it.  Trippy environments and a relatable protagonist help make this a really fun play.   Occasional challenging to the point I have to walk away and think about it.
  • Anno 1800:  This game is just gonna be an always-playing situation for a while.  It’s so good and mesmerizing.  I’m nowhere near done or at the endgame, which is what it’s all about.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.   Maybe I’ll update more often – maybe that will help my emotional state.

Michancy Visited

This past weekend obviously was focused on Larry’s memorial, and to be able to make it through that without losing my mind, Michancy came down and stayed with me for the weekend.  She finally got to stay in the guest room too!

The visit was wonderful – she flew in on Thursday evening to Burbank Airport (yay!), and on Friday I took the day off so we could hang out.   We swung by a dispensary to stock up, and for the first time in a long while, I smoked some weed.  And if you just manage to pace yourself, it’s amazing.   We just hung out and watched TV (I was inspired to watch MacGruber because of the “Unspooled” podcast – very dumb movie, but still hilarious;  we also watched the first episode of Picard and it was very very good.  Again, I’m so pissed Larry wasn’t able to see it), and then that night, we sat out on the patio and drank, smoked weed, and had a dance party.   Every Friday night should be so chill.

On Saturday, the chilling continued.  We watched Looper that morning, and having not seen it since 2012, I had forgotten how fucking gREAT it is.  Rian Johnson is a helluva storyteller.  Also watched Across the Universe that evening as I was in the mood for some Julie Taymor Beatles fun, although even though it’s a spectacle, the story really is just kinda dumb.   The performances of the songs really are what make the movie.

Sunday was obviously the memorial, and then afterward when we got back, we just relaxed some more and watched some ST:TNG episodes, and watched one that was relevant to Picard, “The Measure of a Man”.  TNG is a good series, but I just couldn’t watch it as much as Larry could.   I have started listening to the podcast Larry loved, “Star Trek: The Next Conversation”, as they talked about the first episode of Picard.  I ended up writing them a message letting them know about Larry’s death as he had been an occasional mention on the show and each time that happened, Larry just got so happy.

Anyway, I’m so glad to have spent this weekend with Michancy.  Never a dull moment, and she indulged my wine drinking, so yay me.

The Battle is Over

We came back to the hospital in the morning, bringing Michancy with us this time.  She had ended up staying home on Monday (day drinking, eating, Netflix watching).  When we got there, Larry’s levels were improving but it was still a struggle. He had a bit more lucidness but there was still a lot of confusion.  Mila and Sveta came out for the day as well.  Dr Weinberg was who was able to come and consult, and we learned what we basically knew what was coming – Larry’s not going to recover or continue his treatment.  He is going to die.  Within weeks.  It is not a surprise to hear these words, but to say that my heart didn’t get ripped out regardless would be a lie.  We spent a lot of time that day with him, rotating in the room as only 2 are allowed at a time in the ICU.  Mila brought bagels and nosh, Sveta brought Xanax, and it was time for us to grieve and cry in the waiting room.  I’m writing this from Thursday (the 26th), so I have a bit of a detachment from the day just because of time and the interim moments we’ve had, but it was a horrible day.  Dr Weinberg sent a recommendation for hospice care, and we started that process going.  It seems like that will be a wonderful comfort as they will take care of quite a lot.  He will not have pain, and he will be surrounded by love.  As the day progressed and his levels continued to stabilize, his awareness was better.  He did ask what Fran and I talked about with Dr Weinberg, and I had to tell the love of my life that he no longer had any options and we were going to go home to live out the rest of his days. I had to tell him he was going to die.

Mila and Sveta both left after 3-4 hours, but it was wonderful they were there.  Michancy remained as she’s staying with us, and she and I were able to be there for each other.  We did not have  anyone stay over that night as it just isn’t really a helpful thing.  So we all headed back to home that night, and we ate leftovers from our dinner the previous night that we ordered from a nearby-to-the-hospital Izzy’s Deli, which was chicken soup, a French dip sandwich, and other leftover food.  That night at home, the 4 of us sat at the dining table and looked through pictures and told stories, laughing and crying.  Michancy and I also drank far more wine than we should have – but it was cathartic.  Larry will never be forgotten and has had an impact in so many lives.

End of the Thanksgiving Weekend

We had a nice morning – Michancy helped us to file for Full Disability for Larry.   Also talked with her about establishing a trust, which may be necessary although we have most big things shared already.  I think having our wills in place is important, but we are going to look into maybe talking to a trust attorney.  Alas, Michancy was flying back today, and hopefully it’s less stressful this time than coming in.  I dropped her off at Burbank just now, and there was a great amount of traffic but most of it was Uber and Lyft as there were a TON of people arriving today.  Dropping off was easy.

Once back, then Nicki came over as did Jon & Alyssa with the girls.   It was a lot of fun.   First, Nicki & I played a game of Santorini, and I think I got her hooked. I won.  We then watched, via Nicki’s Sony Screeners app, the latest Charlie’s Angels movie, which honestly, just wasn’t all that good.  But free!   It was a tough day though, as Alyssa and I talked about things at a much more visceral level.  If Larry dies, I think it’s agreed he’ll be buried back east.  I hope I can get a space near him. Had a wonderful time though overall, and Jon & Alyssa made us all dinner.  At night, Larry & I got to watch the latest Watchmen, and goddamn that show is amazing.

It’s currently the end of Thanksgiving weekend, and it’s been a whirlwind.  In a good way.

Day After Thanksgiving Fun

This was a fun day after Thanksgiving.  No Black Friday craziness.   Jon/Alyssa came over in the morning.   Michancy, Jon & I went to Target, a pot dispensary, and a wine store to stock up on stuff.   Then in the afternoon, we went to see Frozen 2 at the Universal AMC.   Larry and Michancy stayed back.   Frozen 2 was very fun.  The first Frozen is still probably the better of the two, but undeniably entertaining regardless.  In the evening, we played Pictionary, which Larry was able to enjoy too.  Drank a good amount of wine that night.