Tag Archives: video games

Final Fantasy VII Remake Keeping Me Sane

The last two weeks or so have been more of the same while staying ‘safe at home’.  If it’s Monday through Friday, I’ll get up, I’ll get myself going and do yoga with Adriene (as of now, it’s been 56 days straight – go me).  Shower, then breakfast, and then I’ll head downstairs (I honestly thought the word ‘downtown’ in my head while typing, lol right – I honestly wonder when I’ll see downtown again) and get to work at my desk.   I’m happy that I did make my desk a standing desk via the on-desk Flexispot thing I bought and put on it late last year:

I’m using a webcam to then dial in to any meetings that we have, as that is now basically kind of our default way to do meetings, which is using video.  Before this, video calls were never really part of the paradigm and it was just voice and maybe sharing your screen.   Anyway, I’ll then continue that until around lunchtime, and by now I’ve kind of gotten into a rhythm of ordering a big family meal of El Pollo Loco, and then spread that out through the week.

They turned out delicious!

Then back to work until 5:30 or so, and then the excitement begins as now I can relax at home.   Home, which I haven’t left except for small things for nearly a month.  If I’m not ordering food in, I’ll probably make my chicken-rice-beans or broccoli combo, or if I have a particular meat in mind, I might grill that up.  It’s good.   The image above is how my pork chop turned out – it was spectacular (I even used Larry’s cast iron skillet to do it – intermediate level skills there).

Lately for fun, I’ve been continuing to rewatch Twin Peaks, as I’ve mentioned multiple times previously.  I’m right now right at the penultimate episode of Season 2, right before the crazy 2-hour season finale (now season instead of series!).   Or I may watch a Marvel movie in my rewatch – I just watched Age of Ultron this morning and that movie still is a slog.  Some fun stuff in it, but it’s just a big meh.  Or I play video games, and honestly, that’s a huge part of my time lately, as it just lets me get lost in something else besides crying over Larry, whether it’s thinking about missing him, thinking about him dying, thinking about if I’ll ever have another relationship again, thinking about if he loved me, thinking about if he’s watching me somehow (it sometimes feels like it when I dream and he’s there – this morning I dreamt I had come home and while trying to turn the alarm off, realized it was off already because he was there.   I didn’t think of him as dead, so I was in a rush and he told he had to talk to me, but I was in the middle of something and that I’d get right back to him in a sec but of course I woke up.  Fun.).  Anyway, some video games have helped me tune the world out.

The latest game is Final Fantasy VII Remake. It’s a thrilling remake (I know, I know, that’s in the title) of the classic 1997 Playstation game that got everyone in the US excited over RPGs – Final Fantasy VII.  Indeed, I was amongst that group of folks who had our minds blown when playing this game – my UCLA roommates Ryan and Rolondo and I played this that year, and it was a blast.  I’ve replayed it throughout the years, but I don’t think I ever finished the whole thing again as well, it’s a lot.  But since 1997, there’s been talk of getting a remaster or a graphical update of this classic game whenever new video game hardware emerges, and every time, it’s always a no-show.   But in 2015, it was formally announced, and by golly, in 2020, we got it.   And hot damn, it’s amazing.   The early news back in 2018/2019 was the game would be episodic, and the first game is set only in Midgar.   That riled up a lot of people as episodic games can sometimes leave a lot to be desired.   And Midgar’s opening 5-6 hours in the original game are literally just an intro, as the whole world opens up to you after it.  And now this whole first game in the Remake is only there?   Potential concern – but the final product has shut my whore mouth.   It’s fantastic – the graphics are spectacular, there’s voice acting now, and the city of Midgar is immense.   A whole lot has been added to the game and it’s all been entertaining.   My first few hours though were spent gawking at the completely stunning and HAWT side-character named Biggs who is just….dayum…..

I didn’t make this image but it captures my feelings completely – thanks, Reddit.  Biggs’ looks and his voice performance are all so damn sexy, and honestly, this whole game is overtly horny and honestly, I’m here for it.  But yeah, Biggs.   Nice.

Anyway, I’m loving playing this game for just the fun of it and for the escapism.   I’ve continued getting through the end-game-ish stuff of The Division 2 as well.   I’m done with the main campaign (although they keep re-invading Washington DC and it’s annoying) so I now am playing the add-on episode content (National Zoo, Pentagon, Coney Island) and I’ll then get to the New York City expansion (which is where The Division 1 was set).   After that, I think I’ll be content to move on to other games.   Anno 2205 is also a background play for me when I need to zone out (you get to build on the moon, ffs!) as is No Man’s Sky (in VR this game truly is just spectacular; in non-VR it’s another addictive, zen game).

So yeah, that’s my life.   I chat with my friends over text and WhatsApp, we have occasional video calls, and it’s just who knows where this all goes.   I’m tired of it, but the alternative isn’t that great without treatment or a vaccine.   So yeah, great year 2020 is.   We manage to have birthday celebrations via Zoom video chat – earlier in April was Paras’ birthday, and it was fun, but it sucks that 2020 will be a do-over year. 

I bought a new Dyson vacuum as I wanted a cordless one so that I didn’t have to schlep the canister one I also have up and down the staircases.   I went all out on it and got the latest, nicest one, and I gotta say it’s pretty fantastic:

Ta-dah

It even came with its own stand and a couple of attachments.   I also bought a film negative scanner that I will use to go through a lot of my old pictures as what else do I have to do?   And while I do love the Google Photo Scan app for a quick way to effectively take a picture of a picture, actual scanning of the negative will get really good quality.  That should come this week.

Some fun stuff is coming up – wine.com has virtual video wine tastings and the first one I signed up for (along with some coworkers and friends who I sent the invite to) is Tuesday – to taste a French Pinot Noir and a California Pinot Noir.   Wine is also what gets me through the day.  So there we are.  Other than that, no pictures I took are worth showing as it’s just sunsets and looking outside.  I look like hell, and what’s the point anyway.

3 Months Now

Yesterday marked 3 months since Larry died.  Yesterday was not a good day accordingly.  I spent most of the non-work day in tears.  Part of that was also watching the series fucking finale of Schitt’s Creek and it’s just not fair that such a wonderful show is ending.  It of course ended wonderfully with David and Patrick’s wedding and the Rose family achieving their happy endings.   It broke me up to see the beginning of a wonderful marriage with all the sentiments that I remember feeling.   But my marriage ended in death as Larry fought and lost his battle with cancer.  “Till death do you part” is a bitch of a thing, especially when it applies to you.   I think about death frequently, whether it’s the hopes that Larry is around in some form or fashion or if coronavirus, if and when I get it, will be how I go.   I think about all the things that probably need to be taken care of and who would actually handle those things, and then I remember that oh yeah, you’d be dead so it wouldn’t matter.  It’s morbid, I know.  But being alone with your thoughts while grieving is a fucking nightmare.  Highly not recommended.

It’s like week 4 of the coronavirus physical distancing / safer at home order we all live in within Los Angeles county.   It’s unbelievable that we’re in this situation.  Our national leadership is abdicating all responsibility for the matter, and today tweeted the hope that we’ll all forget about what we’re going through.   Yeah, not gonna forget that you were aware of the threat since January, took no action, delayed action because you considered it a hoax and a hurdle to reelection, and still just make shit up that you think sounds about right.   There honestly was an opportunity to solidify your re-election:  be a leader and lead the nation through this, and be aggressive and own the situation and help.  But nope, that’s not who he is.  Has never been.   And people who voted for him and will again can go fuck themselves.

So yeah, week 4.  I’m losing my fucking mind, honestly.  It sucks.  I have been doing yoga consistently – in fact, today I count 45 days straight of me doing yoga to start the day off.  That was even before the quarantine had started.  It has helped to calm me down, and frankly it has been great with regards to my overall lean muscle mass.  I definitely feel stronger.  It’s nice.  I play video games a lot – lately it’s been The Division 2, Anno 2250, and some Rise of Nations too, which is such a comforting game to play.  I have a lot on the backburner, especially a lot of my VR games and new ones I’ve bought.  I’ll get to them.  TV too:  Twin Peaks rewatch is in full effect (in fact, today is the 30th anniversary of the premiere of the pilot episode!  There was a rewatch led by Kyle Maclachlan and Madchen Amick which was fun.)  Westworld season 3 is still amazing.  Schitt’s Creek just ended but this past season was phenomenal.  Survivor is kicking all kinds of ass.  So I do have my distractions.  But having no human contact beyond the occasional delivery person (which is a risk in itself!) is no way to be.  I never considered myself that much of an extrovert, but yeah, I am.

Here we are though – I miss Larry unbelievably and talk to him still, as who else do I have to talk to.   I have plenty of texts and calls with my friends and some family.   Mom is safe, but she’s so unconcerned with me or anything besides her own immediate needs so that’s just what it is.  I just have to continue on – do I know what is in store for myself or the world?  No clue.   Honestly I don’t think this distancing will end anytime soon, not until a vaccine is created.   It sucks, but this coronavirus is a bitch.   So that’s my rambling.   I had hoped to have more cogent thoughts or something approaching organization, but nah, that didn’t happen.   Here are some pictures from the last few weeks to tide you over, most from me but also some from my friends too.

Coronavirus Diaries – The Beginning

All things considered, I decided to title this post ‘the beginning’ as I know that from all indicators out there, this social isolation we’re doing is likely not going to be short term.   That frightens me quite a bit.   I have the resources to get through this, but so many don’t.  I am lucky to be able to work from home, but I recognize that there’s so much uncertainty out there, who knows how long things can maintain?  We’re in unprecedented territory – the entire world is basically shutting down, for an unknown period of time.  Our government leadership is a fucking mess and are far too late and far too incompetent (accidentally, willfully, and/or arrogantly) to be trusted to manage the situation, with headlines bearing that out every moment.   A day feels like a week.  It’s just….unbelievable this is happening.

I’m relieved Larry isn’t here.   I think I mentioned that elsewhere in a post?  Maybe it’s just in conversations with others – the idea that if Larry were undergoing treatment now, and him having a weakened immune system because of it, and that if somehow he caught coronavirus from me or someone and that was what caused his death?   It’s utterly inconceivable –  my mind literally can’t deal with that.   I miss Larry so much, and I do wish I had healthy no-cancer Larry here as I am definitely feeling quite lonely and isolated.   I’m obviously not alone in that regard as everyone is feeling that, but a lot of people still have some kind of roommate or family to comfort or be comforted by.  I don’t.  I have my friends via text messages, phone calls, and that helps quite a bit.  But god I miss having my husband here.   Of course my first caveat stands – cancer Larry is not someone I could deal with having here at this moment.

Last week, Stacie and I moved mom into an assisted living facility.   Not much has gone right in my life this past year and a half, but in this case, we got that process started at the exact right (and as it likely turned out, last possible) moment.  She has her own room, all the cable she needs, her own bathroom and shower, and a big closet.   It’s a very nice set up, and there’s someone available 24/7.  She had a few nights where she was able to partake in going to the dining room and meet people, but obviously the older population (especially over 70) is at risk, so they’ve quarantined everyone into their room for safety and they get meals in their room now.   I know it’s not ideal but knowing she’s there versus being by herself at her house when the caregiver isn’t there would have also been a giant amount of stress for me.   Our timing couldn’t have been more critical in getting her there before this all started.   Mind you, the last week was very hard and there were some seriously annoying bumps doing it, but in the course of a week, I can barely even remember something that before might have driven me to still be angry about.  She’s there, she’s safe, and I was able to see her Saturday as I brought some additional things she needed, but now I know I won’t be able to see her again for a little while.

It’s crazy.  How is this happening?   I mean, I literally can’t believe what life is right now.   I watched my husband die just 2 months ago.  I buried him and tried to mourn and grieve him.   I thought that was the lowest I’d have to be, but guess what, my intuition was right.   I knew I couldn’t say ‘things can only get better’ as there’s no bottom in this world anymore.

I persist though and try to occupy my time:

  • I continue to work as hard as I can at my job – I don’t want to lose it as I’m supporting more than just me now.
  • I stay in touch with my friends, but god I miss actually seeing them and giving and receiving a hug.
  • I’ve been playing video games to pass the time.   The new VR set I got earlier this year is pretty fantastic and helps pass the time in a really immersive way (No Man’s Sky in VR is ridiculously cool).  I’m also playing The Division 2 (although the setting is a post-pandemic USA, so maybe I shouldn’t?), Dead Cells, Anno 2250 (ah, a future where things are so nice)….yeah, video games are definitely a way for me to forget the world a little.
  • I find myself falling down a Twitter hole and that is no good for my psyche.   It’s good for staying informed but the emotions there are all extreme, good or bad.   I have to take a break after a bit.
  • I’ve been very consistent with doing yoga every morning with the Yoga with Adriene Youtube channel – she’s amazing.   I found her when looking for lower back relief exercises and I have been a follower ever since.   It’s a wonderful and much needed way to start each day.  If you’ve ever thought of doing yoga, she’s super chill and a very friendly guide who is easy to follow along with.   I contrast it with Rodney Yee, whose ‘beginner’ series I bought, and man, that is false advertising, as his routines are very difficult.   So it was good to learn there are other approaches.
  • I’ve been reading.   I read Tom and Lorenzo’s book “Legendary Children” which covers LGBTQ history through the touchstone of Rupaul’s Drag Race.  It’s fantastic.  I learned so much about our history and the world of drag from it’s beginnings through to its evolution and persistence.   They’re good at telling the history and making it compelling, not that it needed all that much help.
  • Of course television is a mainstay:  Schitt’s Creek‘s final season has been fucking incredible.  I finished the latest season of Project Runway (very enjoyable!).  Just started Westworld Season 3 and am intrigued.  This latest season of Survivor (Winners at War) is epic and I love seeing an all-winner season where everyone is there to fucking play.  There’s others, but this is just me riffing.
  • I picked up the guitar again!  Larry bought me a guitar a few years back after the one I did have in NYC was stolen from our Duarte storage unit (along with my Transformers and childhood Legos, ugh!).  I never got the motivation back to get back into it as like any skill, it takes work and practice to be good at it.  But now I have time and I remember that working at the guitar was a nice way to calm down.  I found an app that is probably a little too simple but honestly, I’m here for slow and steady.   It’s interactive so it can hear what you’re playing and let you know if it’s wrong.  Kinda cool.

Just, fuck.   I was talking with folks at work on a conference call (obvs – we are all required to WFH now) and this truly is a moment that will be changing the world.  Just like 9/11, things were different after, forever.  Things will definitely have to change after this at a government preparedness level as well as how work and business function going forward.   Even just thinking about when finally we get to see other people in person again, it’s like, until there’s a cure/vaccine, you’ll be paranoid.  And then if another virus comes up, which of course it will, is the world going to be prepared and ready to do what needs to be done to prevent the world from stopping like it kind of is now?   So yeah, just, fuck.  Ha, as I write this, it sounds like I’m commanding you the reader to go fuck.  Maybe that’s not a bad idea either, if you can.   I know I miss Larry for that comfort too.   Having someone to hold and hold you, warmly and/or passionately, is something that I miss so much right now.  I didn’t know that feeling as a man in the closet, so when I did get to finally know what that was, and to now have it taken away for who knows how long?   It’s kind of awful.  I don’t know, it’s just all so much.

So why not some pictures?  Here are some from my first few days of social isolationing:

In Los Angeles, we’ve been getting TONS of rain.   There is occasional breaks which is good so it can kind of dry out, but we have a lot of rain still in the forecast!   And with less people out and about, our air quality is quite good.   I’ve seen news reports that the pollution around the world has dramatically improved due to this – maybe the coronavirus was the planet’s way of making us chill the fuck out on pollution.

Weekend Update

Larry & I got our first experience with the latest incarnation of Virtual Reality (VR) through Brian, as he finally got his HTC Vive VR kit.  We went over to his place, along with Nicki and Kevin, and after a great lunch at Aroma Cafe, got to finally experience what is truly only the beginning with how things might go in terms of immersion.

tweedievrYou do have to wear that contraption on your head and hold those controllers in each hand, but seriously, once you turn the system on it is utterly mind-blowing what happens to your sense of reality.  You’re really feeling like you’re there – I mean, I get it, you’re basically shoving two screens right up against your face, but it’s fucking amazing.  We got to play a few different games, with one especially cool as you’re in this platform in some space city and flying drones come at you.  The two controllers in your hand become laser pistols, seriously, and you have to try to shoot the drones down.  When a shot is coming your way, something like the Matrix’s bullet-time happens and you can then dodge the lasers.  Oh yeah, the Vive setup includes two camera sensors that you use to define your play area, so you can walk around for real immersion.  It’s pretty damn awesome.  I’m not quite tempted yet to buy one for our house, as I would want the Vive and we definitely don’t have a dedicated space for something like that.  But we certainly are ready to go visit Brian again and play!

weddingpartyAnd OH YEAH, the photographer got back to us with our wedding pictures, and they’re fucking amazing.  At the moment, I don’t have electronic versions to share, but our copies are on their way.  In the meantime, we have access only via a locked-down website, but I was able to get this version by screenshotting the display.  It’s only a hint of the amazingness though.  Seriously, our photographers managed to capture our wedding wonderfully.   Once I’ve got our digital copies, I’ll be sure to share.  So good.

WtPwyTuOqAzj.878x0.Z-Z96KYqAs for video games I’m currently addicted to, that would definitely be XCOM 2, the sequel to XCOM: Enemy Unknown / Enemy Within.   I recently got sucked back into those first games and focused on beating the game as the last time I got to the final level, got hopelessly obliterated.  Well, this last time I won, and it was glorious.  It’s funny though, that most players never do beat the first XCOM game, so in XCOM 2, the story assumes you did lose and the Earth got taken over by aliens.  Now it’s up to you to overthrow the alien government.  The graphics are improved, the game is just as challenging if not more so, and the customization of your crew is pretty damn fun.  Yeah, I have a Steve Rogers character who doesn’t wear a shirt.  So what?

Sunday run - 22 May 2016 - 7 miles

And yesterday, Larry & I went for a run, and I got over 7 miles.  Hells yeah.  Sure, there were some brief periods of having to walk, but they were short and I always got back to running.  It’s awesome to be able to run this much again!

Alright, that’s the weekend, I guess.  Now it’s a week of work that I’m feeling might have lots of things to think about.  Will soon see, I guess?

Pop Culture Update – March 2016

There’s a lot of good stuff going on and here it is – this is absolutely an irrelevant post but I feel like posting and don’t want a week to go by without posting.

Zootopia-poster-2Zootopia (2016)

Zootopia has been getting great reviews and that’s alright as it definitely deserves the raves.  We went to see this on Saturday after a run in Griffith Park (5.5 miles for me, 8+ miles for Larry) as it had been a little while since going to the movies.  We’re in that weird lull before the spring/summer movie season but I think things are starting to pick up finally.  Anyway, Zootopia was a very good movie with a great story about not letting personal biases cloud the way you live your life and refuse to let fear drive your decisions.  It’s very applicable to today’s world, amirite?  Also great is how cute everything has been rendered.  Anyway, go see this.. You’ll love it.

2890063-trailer_theflameintheflood_announcement_20160516The Flame in the Flood

I had to write about this fantastic video game that I first became aware of when reading a preview about the game a year or so ago.  Former developers from the teams that made Bioshock were part of this and devoted all their money and time to making this.  I gotta say, it was worth the effort.  The Flame in the Flood is a roguelike type game, in which the world is randomly generated in a procedural manner, so the game may not play the same between different players.  That’s always neat, but the execution of how that all happens is key in whether it’s actually fun to play.  You basically have to survive while navigating your thrown-together raft down an endless river along with your faithful dog, Aesop.  You come across various islands you can dock at and scavenge for items to help you survive.  Of course, you also run into obstacles, whether it’s scary wolves and snakes or the elements themselves.  If you’re not paying attention, you could quickly find yourself overrun by the elements and having to start over.  I did start over quite frequently but each time you learn a bit more, and finally I ended up finishing the “campaign” mode – big hint:  Catch & skin rabbits and make pouches.  Maximize that inventory!!!  And run, a lot.

house-of-cards-season-4House of Cards, Season 4

It’s kind of depressing how quick time passes as you realize the a year has gone by since the last season was released all at once by Netflix.  But here we are again, and that means it’s been a year since I started at PwC, as Season 3 came out the weekend I was flipping out over having to fly to Atlanta and start orientation.  So we didn’t actually watch Season 3 for a few weeks. It seemed like we were on track to maybe yet again not watch this latest season for a few weeks, but nope, we started watching the first episode last night and of course that turned into 3 episodes.  IT’S SO GOOD.  Basically we pick up about a few hours after the stunning turn of events that transpired at the end of Season 3, and it doesn’t let up.  I love the new characters, and those characters that we know and love and that we hope have a sexual connection yet again….anyway, it’s as compelling and soap opera-y as it has ever been, and I can’t wait to see what transpires!

61zAZwTTkOLThe Passage – Justin Cronin

Nah, I don’t have the new book out in the Passage trilogy – I wish!  But I have started a re-read of the first two books, starting with The Passage.  It’s a long and twisty tale, and I’ve forgotten many of the details, but damn if I’m not already hooked again.  If you haven’t read these books, I’d highly recommend you give them a shot.  A lot of fun and quite epic – and I must admit I’m intrigued by the cover of The City of Mirrors and how it looks to be NYC-based.  New York didn’t seem to have much of anything to do with anything so I’m curious how it all ties together….plus the fact that this is the last one.  Here’s hoping this series goes out strong!

In other news, Larry & I have managed to knock out the table centerpieces, I think.  Some assembly is required still, but I think what we chose will look nice and not intrude in guests being able to see each other across the table!  Still can’t believe we’re so close to April 30!!!