I haven’t posted yet my thoughts from around Larry’s funeral earlier this month back in New Jersey, as I’ve been chronologically adding back in journal entries to the site. Needless to say, the funeral was a lot to deal with. This weekend, we are having Larry’s memorial for those who were not able to make it to New Jersey for the funeral or sitting shiva. It will be at my wonderful friend Barb’s house and I think it will be much less intense than the funeral. I can’t deny that I’m starting to have some stress about it, as this will be a lot of people who were in my and Larry’s lives on a regular basis all coming to think and remember him. These past two weeks have not been easy – Larry’s absence is entirely all-consuming. I don’t know who I am or how to be without him. And that will be first and foremost in my mind as we celebrate him this weekend.
I should probably relax a little though – I’m going to have so many friends around me, as well as some family. Not sure if I’m going to say anything, but if so, it obviously won’t be the same as what I said at the funeral. I’m happy that Michancy is coming into town tonight. I’m going to take tomorrow off as I think just relaxing is needed ahead of this weekend.
While futzing around this site, I found myself back in posts I made back in 2008 when Larry and I were first starting to date. I then cried when reading the post when I asked him to be my boyfriend. I can remember those moments so clearly, but it is so nice to have something written down from at the time to see how optimistic and hopeful I was. Let’s see if that kind of energy can return to me.