Feb 24, 2012, Ep 1: Whorebaths, Secrets, and Callboxes

The Amazing Race 20 Secret Scenes, Episode 1: Whorebaths, Secrets, and Callboxes

This new season of The Amazing Race has the promise to be endlessly entertaining, but did you know that Rachel has learned Portuguese, kinda?  One team has decided to lie about their occupations and pose as something harmless while another team wants everyone to know exactly what it is they do so the other teams are intimidated.  San Antonio native Vanessa is shaping up to be this season’s joker as she explains not only how she keeps clean on the race but also her diet secrets, which you’ll never be able to guess.  And which team did a TAR first by stopping at a roadside emergency callbox and asking for directions?  Read on to find out the answers as well as hear more from the eliminated Misa & Maiya (pictured)!

Extra Race Footage

Featured Team:  Brendon & Rachel

Rachel is Ready For Argentina:  As Team Big Brother (Brendon & Rachel) drive to LAX to go to Argentina, Rachel tests out her Portuguese on Brendon.  She asks “don je (sp?) Buenos Aires?” which Brendon is compelled to correct because he knows she was trying to say “on to Buenos Aires.”  Rachel giggles, and all is right with the world.  Brendon humorously realizes that this is going to be a long trip.  Rachel confesses that ever since they knew they were going to be racing, she has been studying Portuguese.  Brendon tries to tell Rachel that they speak Spanish in Argentina, but she is adamant that everyone in South America primarily speaks Portuguese.  He reasons that some may speak both Spanish and Portuguese, even German, but Rachel isn’t convinced.  Rachel realizes she’s good either way as her Espanol is “muy bien.”  Brendon reads my mind as he says, “Ay Dios mio!”

Featured Team:  Kerri & Stacy

Kerri & Stacy Are Prepared:  It’s dark in the streets of Los Angeles and Kerri & Stacy are stopped on the side of the road.  Stacy gets out of the car and confirms that the right front tire is flat, apparently after having hit the curb too hard with the tire.  Before you can let your chauvinism get the best of you, Kerri & Stacy have ripped open the jack kit and are jacking the car up lickety-split.  Kerri tells us that she’s thanking God her dad taught her how to do this, as they’re in a rush to get to LAX.  The skills were still fresh in their mind as they just had to change a tire on a tractor a few weeks ago.  Back in the car after changing the tire, Kerri isn’t letting that bump in the road get to her, as it actually reinforces that they can handle anything thrown at them.  I like this team.

Featured Team:  Elliot & Andrew

Andrew Takes the Long Way:  Andrew is looking up into the sky watching his brother Elliot jump out of the plane.  He is mesmerized by his brother’s progress and guesses that the skydiver who looks to be out of control is Elliot.  Andrew suddenly realizes that he needs to go meet up with Elliot on the ground as before he knows it, Elliot has pretty much landed.  Unfortunately for Andrew, the landing site is nowhere near where he is.  Andrew starts to hike and run all around the grounds, shouting out for Elliot.  We then get Elliot’s perspective at the landing site, calling back to Andrew in a million-dollar game of Marco Polo.  Andrew tries to go the direct route but runs headlong into a thorny bush.  At this point I’m sure the camera folk assigned to this team realize they drew the short straws as they’re going to have push through this wall of thorns to capture this footage.  While Andrew struggles through the brush, Elliot keeps shouting and it’s hard to tell if it’s anger or just volume.  Finally Andrew breaks free and has a straight run to the landing zone, although by the time he gets there, he is completely out of breath.

Featured Team:  Art & JJ

Art & JJ’s First Thoughts:   As Art & JJ drive to LAX, Art keeps seeing things out the window that he assumes will be upcoming challenges.  He notices a red-and-yellow motorized parasail device and figures it is an omen.  JJ loved getting to meet Phil finally and Art wistfully remembers his first sight of the infamous Phil eyebrow, even doing an homage to it.  Both remember the immediate start of the race as Phil’s arm dropped and the immediate physical impact of potential hamstring injuries and running out of breath.  The vineyard hills reminded JJ of being in the field and he kids Art for being so slow to catch up to him.  Art blames getting promoted on his reduced physicality.

JJ mentions that he is certain that everyone has pegged he & Art as the “old group.”  It disgusts him and he hopes all the jackrabbits go overly fast and make mistakes.  Art reminds him that the first challenge required absolutely no skill or mental wits – it was all about luck.  JJ was proud of Art for not giving up and knew that he would never do so.  They’re partners in this and in work and they’ll always have each others’ back.  

 Featured Team:  Elliot & Andrew

Elliot’s Bad Moves:  Elliot & Andrew are driving along the highway when suddenly Elliot has Andrew pull over to the side as he “saw something.”  Andrew can’t see what Elliot is talking about but pulls over to the side anyway where there are indeed some cars parked in a group.  Once they get closer to the group both realize these are a group of complete strangers.  Elliot admits his mistake as he thought he saw the orange-and-yellow cluebox and Andrew gives him grief for this bad move.

Cut to a few moments later as Elliot & Andrew have caught up to the right group of vehicles parked on the side of the road.  This location is the Santa Barbara cluebox and while sprinting to get their clue, Andrew notices that Elliot has dumped all his belongings on the ground.  Andrew begs Elliot to get it together while Elliot admits that it was his mistake.  As they drive away, Andrew is relieved that at least it wasn’t their passports that fell out.  Elliot nervously checks and confirms that the passports are still present.  He tells us that he’s messed up twice now but it’s important that they just catch up.  Andrew gives him the “it’s cool, bro” and all is well in the bro-verse.  

Featured Team:  Dave & Cherie

Dave & Cherie Clown Around:   While waiting at the Buenos Airport for their domestic flight, Cherie is showing off her juggling skills with some balls.  It’s not a random display of skill as Dave effortlessly blends in with her and takes over the juggling.  We are getting a taste of what a non-makeup’d clown routine with them would be as the juggling passes back and forth between them, all while accompanied with some editor-added circus music.  Juggling isn’t enough though as now Dave balances a book on his nose while Cherie doesn’t think that’s impressive enough so she gives him her shoe.  He balances that, but then Cherie asks the audience (aka tired airport travelers) if they want to see him balance a suitcase.  Dave hoists it up and instead of on his nose, which I imagine would hurt, he balances the suitcase on his chin.  A nice round of applause from the assembled is his reward.

Featured Team:  Misa & Maiya

Ready For a Comeback:   As they are driving through Argentina, Misa & Maiya explain to us that they’ll approach challenges and who does what with some intuition and knowing who is better at what the challenge requires.  Regardless of what it is they have to do they will give it their all and just do it with no complaining.  Maiya thinks that their bounce back from the vineyard incident shows they won’t give up.  Misa is excited to finally get out and about and meet some of the other teams.  Maiya agrees and hopes the upcoming leg’s activity will wake her up.  She’s a little groggy from camping out in the airport, which is the first time either of them have ever done something like that.

Featured Team:  Joey & Danny, Bopper & Mark

Danny Gets a Lesson:   While waiting for Joey to take off in his skydiving plane, Danny commiserates with Bopper about the fact that the car they have to drive to the landing site is a stick-shift.  Bopper tells him that if it comes down to it, he can just drive in first gear at a crawl.  Danny isn’t even sure where first gear is so Bopper teaches him how the gears are set up in the gearbox as well as where Reverse is.  He finally reasons that he can just look at the diagram on the stick shift itself and Bopper affirms this, as all you have to do is look for the “R.”  Bopper reminds him that if he ends up in the center between gears, that’s Neutral.  Danny nods along, but I really don’t think he got it.

Once it’s time to go to the cars, Danny checks in with Bopper before he leaves and gets a final review of where the gears are located.  Danny looks where Bopper’s feet are and notices his foot isn’t even on the brake.  Ha!  Bopper explains that of course he isn’t pressing the brake as he’s pressing the clutch.  Wow, just as on Survivor and learning to make a fire, why would you ever come on The Amazing Race and not have learned to drive a manual?  After a quick demo of reverse and first gear, Danny heads to his car and tells Bopper he’ll follow him.  

Featured Team:  Joey & Danny

Joey “Fitness” Learns to Fish:  Joey had been talking to Bopper earlier and learned from him that to catch a catfish, you just have to put your hand up close to an underwater rock where catfish live.  The catfish will eventually clamp onto your arm and you can just lift your arm up and have caught a catfish.  Danny mentions that he’s reluctant to have dinner at Bopper’s house as apparently they feast on fried turtle.  Joey bets it tastes like chicken as everything fried ends up tasting like chicken.  Regardless, both of them think Bopper looks like a Roadhouse-era Patrick Swayze.  Ha!  Joey adds that with Bopper, all you ever hear is the last word as everything before it is mumblish.  Danny reasons that Bopper will eat anything and Joey recognizes that if there’s an eating challenge, Bopper will destroy it.   Danny also can’t believe that Bopper is his real name as it sounds like the name of a 1960’s DJ.

Featured Teams:  Brendon & Rachel, Dave & Cherie

Brendon & Rachel Meet Clowns:   At the airport, Brendon asks what is up with Dave & Cherie’s Ringling Bros t-shirts.  They tell him they’re actually clowns with Ringling Bros and both Brendon & Rachel are amazed.  We learn some more about their clownistory (not a word, I know) and that they’ve been in the gold tour for five years, touring schools, hospitals and the like providing joy to everyone.  Rachel asks if they’re married and no sooner does “for about 20 years” come from Cherie’s lips does Rachel inform that she & Brendon are engaged.  Ah, Rachel is never not Rachel, is she?

We learn more about Dave & Cherie, including that they met each other while trying to get into clown college.  Cherie goes through the details of their meet-cute story while Dave interjects with some comedic commentary that is self-deprecating yet funny.  My favorite!  Cherie asks about them and the rumor that they were on Big Brother, which from her way of stating it reveals she has not become addicted to the crack that is Big Brother.  Brendon tells them about their meeting in the BB house and while they wanted to ally and just work the other sides of the house, five days into the plan they fell in love.  After telling Dave & Cherie that they just did another season, it’s clear Rachel is dying to reveal that she won.  Cherie asks if either of them won and Brendon tells them about Rachel’s victory.  Brendon explains it was a well-earned victory as it was a tough season and Rachel adds that it’s just been a tough two-year rollercoaster.

Featured Team:  Brendon & Rachel

Brendon & Rachel Take a Guess:   As they drive to LAX, Rachel eagerly tries to figure out what the other teams are really like.  Rachel is pretty certain she’s figured it out already but Brendon points out she only has a vague idea.  She first lists out the “Jonas Bros” (twins Elliot & Andrew) and thinks they may be in a band (half right!).  Then there’s “Samson & Delilah” (I’m guessing Vanessa & Ralph) as the guy is stacked and huge.  She & Brendon think he may be in arena football or something (wrong).   Next is “Team Jersey Shore” (Joey and Danny) which is obvious because well…duh.  Both like them as they seem nice but she hopes there isn’t a situation (rimshot!) later on in the race.

The evaluation continues with the girls who could be lawyers or doctors (I figure she’s referring to Nary & Jamie) but she’s certain they’re friends from work (correct).  The “Circus Couple” (Dave & Cherie) are the older couple who wear circus shirts, although Rachel isn’t positive if they just like the circus or are part of it.  Brendon likes that couple and finds Dave to be a little nerdy and dorky and relates to him a lot.  Rachel agrees that Brendon is nerdy and dorky.  She then calls him her “little bukie,” a term of endearment she used in Big Brother that upset Brendon when used out amongst the other houseguests.  Brendon politely reminds her they’ve agreed she wouldn’t say it out in public anymore.  Rachel just laughs and laughs.

Featured Team:  Bopper & Mark

Bopper & Mark Take It All In:   While driving through Argentina, Bopper can’t help but exclaim how beautiful Argentina is.  From the little they’ve seen it has also served as a nice reminder of how nice it is what they have back home.  Mark also loves the natural beauty of the mountains.  Bopper thinks it would be great to come back and tour around in a motorcycle.  Mark can’t get over the mountains.  They’re “absoloootely amayyyyzing.”

Featured Team:  Bopper & Mark, Art & JJ

Bopper & Mark Meet Art & JJ:   At LAX, Bopper & Mark meet up with Art & JJ very loudly.  Introductions are made and Mark jokes with his southern drawl that he’s from NYC.  The group talks about the balloon challenge and how frustrating it was when they saw each other pull down balloons they were angling for.  Lots of laughing and a lot of quick mumble talking occurs, but it’s mostly tales from the balloon vineyard.  I think.  Bopper was relieved to see that the Hawaiian girls were still running around when they left, so it was all good.

Featured Team:  Rachel & Dave

Rachel & Dave Delegate Duties:   In Argentina, Rachel tells us that Dave wanted to drive since she wrote down the directions.  Additionally he’s a back-seat driver anyway so it was easier for everyone.  Dave insists that Rachel is much more proficient with maps but she immediately protests.  It sounds like Rachel isn’t cool with losing driving privileges while Dave is happy with the way the responsibilities have been split.  Dave relents and says that they upon further review of instructions they may end up alternating responsibilities.  Rachel assures us that Dave is the better navigator but he wants to do both the driving and the navigating.  She mockingly tells us that leaves her with being the assistant.

At the Pit Stop

Featured Team:  Misa & Maiya (eliminated)

Stunned Sisters Say Goodbye:  Phil is curious how the sisters Misa & Maiya are going to reconcile what happened to them this leg.  Both admit it’s very disappointing how this ended up and Maiya tells Phil that this was her dream.  Misa can’t get over that they were eliminated over such a dumb mistake.  Phil won’t let this stay too negative so he asks what positives they will take away from the experience.  It was an amazing experience and they’re glad they were there, but their mistakes still are unbelievable.  Maiya also appreciates having met all the other teams and people in Argentina, especially those who helped her when she got stuck in the sand.  Concerning what their family will think when they see this, Maiya knows they’ll be proud just because they made it on the show.  Phil admits that it’s always hard to eliminate the first team and Misa tells him that they had a lot of fight left in them.

Featured Team:  Bopper & Mark (9th place)

Bopper & Mark’s Big Opportunity:  Phil laughs as apparently Bopper & Mark stopped at one of those emergency phone boxes on the highway and asked for directions.  The operator on the other end simply hung up on them.  Phil bets that could be the first time anyone on The Amazing Race has ever done that.  Moving on, Phil points out that Bopper & Mark’s first plane ride was to try out for the show, and now here they are traveling the world, currently in beautiful Argentina.

Both Bopper & Mark tell Phil that they’re here on the race for their kids.  Bopper gets a little emotional thinking about his family and Phil recognizes that they’re here to better their lives.  Mark agrees that this is a definite opportunity and that their families are proud of them.  Phil wishes them the best on the remaining legs and hopes he can give them good news over the new few days.  He then springs a quick raised eyebrow.  

Featured Team:  Dave & Cherie (8th place)

Dave & Cherie’s Roller Coaster Ride:  Phil tells them that he was worried about them this leg as it was never clear where they were.  Cherie found this to be the craziest roller coaster ride she’s been on without tracks.  Phil asks if that means Cherie jumped out of the plane but they tell him it was actually Dave who did that, it’s just been that stressful of a leg for her.  The combination of having to navigate a map as well as unfamiliarity with stick shifts had Cherie all out of sorts.  Yet she persevered and they ended up ahead of four other teams after the jump, which they arrived at last.

Featured Team:  Elliot & Andrew (6th place)

Room For Improvement:  Andrew is bent over and out of breath which warrants concern from Phil.   Andrew gets it together and Phil points out to them that the other racers have identified them as threats. Phil also advises them that the race can come down to something like making empanadas while the brothers volunteer that it comes down to reading the clues correctly.  Phil asks them who they think are threats as of this point.  Elliot & Andrew both think Art & JJ are threats because of their job and background.  Phil asks if they volunteered to others what it was that they do (musician and professional soccer player) and they tell him that they did as they want people to know how strong they are.  Elliot admits that they didn’t do as well as they had expected once past the Start.  He pledges that they’ll be doing much better from here on out.

Featured Team:  Vanessa & Ralph (5th place)

Vanessa’s Healthy Diet:  Phil immediately asks how big Ralph is as he has a freakin’ giant muscular chest.  Ralph admits he’s about 250 pounds but Phil thinks he looks at least 300.  Vanessa doesn’t even notice it anymore as it’s just a pillow now.  Phil asks Ralph if he’s worried about his 250 pounds having to deal with all the running around, but Ralph isn’t worried at all.  He figures by the end of the race, he’ll be down to about 235.  Vanessa chimes in that Ralph is probably more worried about her 120 pounds more than his own weight loss.  She confesses that her diet of coffee, nutella, and wine isn’t that conducive to exercise.  She admits she doesn’t do any cardio either, which surprises both me and Phil as she is quite small and in shape.  She explains again that her diet is coffee, nutella, and wine.  Hmm, that sounds like a plan.

Although laughing initially, Ralph tells Phil that he is indeed worried about Vanessa’s weight and health, but knows that she has plenty of smarts.  Phil presses Ralph if he really truly is worried about Vanessa enduring the entire race and Ralph affirms that he truly is.  Phil figures that Ralph & Vanessa are going to keep that fear from the other teams, but they tell him the other teams already know.  Ralph tells Phil that they have seen it for themselves based on her run in the vineyard, but he gives her credit for her toughness.   Vanessa knows she can compensate for this shortcoming in other ways, whether it’s toughness or willingness to get dirty.

Featured Team:  Nary & Jamie (4th place)

Nary & Jamie Are Undercover:  Phil recognizes that Nary & Jamie are tough girls and that the guys better watch out.  Apparently everyone thinks they are teachers and are not aware they’re federal agents.  Their ruse to pose as kindergarten teachers wasn’t to make others think poorly about teachers, but the fact that most teachers are likable.  The teaching profession is much easier for people to relate to as opposed to law enforcement, which can be polarizing.  Nary also points out that the race is highly stressful and they didn’t want the competition to know that she & Jamie were well-equipped to handle these mental stresses.  They plan on keeping the ruse intact all the way to the end.  Maybe at the Finish Line they’ll let everyone know.

Phil encourages this ruse and actually makes a request that at one point, Nary & Jamie have a meltdown so the other teams really buy into their fragility.  He pleads a little and while Jamie almost goes for it, Nary puts the kibosh on it as she knows that they’d never live it down back at work.   Phil asks if they’re excited at the prospect that some 16- or 17-year-old girls will see them compete and consider getting into law enforcement too.  Jamie tells him that while she doesn’t have anything to prove to others, she is happy to add what she can do to the conversation.   It’s good to be able to show that they can run with and jump out of planes with everyone else.  

Featured Team:  Art & JJ (3rd place)

Art & JJ Are Ready:  Phil can tell that Art & JJ are ready for the competition but he is curious who they find to be the biggest threats.  Art admits that the teams they were worried about are those who got first and second place but they’re going to make sure to focus and do things slow and steady.  Phil asks if they can hang in there for the duration and Art jokes that all the hills and running are killing him. JJ concurs that Art’s head at the beginning looked like it was about to explode.  Phil asks if JJ is Art’s motivator and JJ tells him that he doesn’t need to as Art never gives up and keeps plugging away.  That’s the core of their race, which is to be smart and steady.

Featured Team:  Dave & Rachel (1st place)

Dave’s Golden Opportunity Wasted:  Phil asks if Dave was the one who volunteered to do the Roadblock.  Dave tells him that he was hoping that he’d finally get to jump out of a plane for the first time in his life after 15 years of serving in the military.  Phil is surprised but Dave admits he’s only rappelled out of helicopters.  Rachel has actually jumped three times previously so Dave was upset to have missed this opportunity to have finally jumped.  Dave laughs as when they decided who was going to do it, Rachel sullenly gave the opportunity to Dave only to find that the clue was a ruse.  Rachel admits she was excited to get to jump again but she was also sad that Dave once again didn’t get to jump.  As for the endgame, Phil wants to know who will be there with them.  Dave informs him that he’s sure that their alliance with the Border Patrol will remain intact until the end. For the third, both think that the twins, Elliot & Andrew, may be there.  Dave hopes that they don’t have the full compliment of skills that he & Rachel have.

After the Race

Featured Team:  Misa & Maiya

A Tough Loss:   Before Misa can get a word out, she starts to cry and exclaims that she promised herself she wouldn’t.  While Misa gets it together, Maiya explains to us that they’ve had to work very hard to be as successful as they’ve become.  They didn’t come from money and everything they have has been through hard work all through their individual efforts.  Maiya starts to tear up now as she concludes that hard work isn’t enough.

Misa recovers enough to tell us that they kept a positive outlook and worked hard on every single challenge (all three!) they went up against.  In the end, it all came down to a silly mistake in which they didn’t see Phil.  It was a dumb thing but when you’re dehydrated and starved, you’re not thinking clearly.  There was almost no time during the leg when you weren’t moving.  Maiya was moving around flagging people down even when her car was stuck in the sand.  Through it all, they never stopped trying.  

Featured Team:  Vanessa & Ralph

Vanessa’s New Life:   Vanessa exclaims that this is the first time in her life where she literally hasn’t showered for days.  She admits to taking a “whorebath” in the Buenos Aires airport restroom but that wasn’t enough to keep her from now feeling disgusting.  Yet when you’re in the midst of doing stuff, you just don’t think about how you look or smell.  Vanessa confesses that she’s fine with looking like hell for a month if it’s for a million dollars.

Ralph thinks that with all the non-stop activity along with little food and water, the race pushes you.  Vanessa also factors in the money situation, as now you actually have to budget it and resist spending on luxuries like a neck pillow.  They point out that the Kentucky Boys (Bopper & Mark) are already having to negotiate with cab drivers, as they couldn’t afford the bus most other teams took from the international to the domestic Buenos Aires airport.  Vanessa did insist that some of their money go to breakfast and coffee this morning and they’ll make efforts to ensure things like that are affordable.  

Hobie Barnes lives in Santa Monica, California and can’t stop reading the Game of Thrones series of books.  He recently traveled to Turkey, Italy & Greece and can’t wait to see if the places he visited end up on this season of the race.  When not busy fighting the 405 and 101 freeways on the commute to Burbank, he is patiently waiting for an Amazing Race or Survivor scout to cast him!  He can be reached at <a href=”mailto:hobiewan76@gmail.com”>hobiewan76@gmail.com</a>.


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Since 2001 or so, sharing stuff