Category Archives: just a post

Michancy Visited

This past weekend obviously was focused on Larry’s memorial, and to be able to make it through that without losing my mind, Michancy came down and stayed with me for the weekend.  She finally got to stay in the guest room too!

The visit was wonderful – she flew in on Thursday evening to Burbank Airport (yay!), and on Friday I took the day off so we could hang out.   We swung by a dispensary to stock up, and for the first time in a long while, I smoked some weed.  And if you just manage to pace yourself, it’s amazing.   We just hung out and watched TV (I was inspired to watch MacGruber because of the “Unspooled” podcast – very dumb movie, but still hilarious;  we also watched the first episode of Picard and it was very very good.  Again, I’m so pissed Larry wasn’t able to see it), and then that night, we sat out on the patio and drank, smoked weed, and had a dance party.   Every Friday night should be so chill.

On Saturday, the chilling continued.  We watched Looper that morning, and having not seen it since 2012, I had forgotten how fucking gREAT it is.  Rian Johnson is a helluva storyteller.  Also watched Across the Universe that evening as I was in the mood for some Julie Taymor Beatles fun, although even though it’s a spectacle, the story really is just kinda dumb.   The performances of the songs really are what make the movie.

Sunday was obviously the memorial, and then afterward when we got back, we just relaxed some more and watched some ST:TNG episodes, and watched one that was relevant to Picard, “The Measure of a Man”.  TNG is a good series, but I just couldn’t watch it as much as Larry could.   I have started listening to the podcast Larry loved, “Star Trek: The Next Conversation”, as they talked about the first episode of Picard.  I ended up writing them a message letting them know about Larry’s death as he had been an occasional mention on the show and each time that happened, Larry just got so happy.

Anyway, I’m so glad to have spent this weekend with Michancy.  Never a dull moment, and she indulged my wine drinking, so yay me.

Our Old Concrete Neighbor Says Adieu

Can’t say it’s a surprise, but the fortress-like Sears that was next door to where Larry & I lived in Glendale is finally shutting down in March.   That place was not something you’d call attractive, but it certainly was a landmark.   Apparently even my aunt Helen worked there when she was a teenager!

Anyway, I always laughed while walking by there as they NEVER fixed the neon lights on its exterior, the entire time we lived there.   One of the signs, facing away from Central, had the “E” burned out, so the sign was for “SA RS”.  Recently before we left, the featured image above was one I took where another sign just said ” EAR “.

Anyway, it’s sad I guess that the store is going away, but also, probably something else can go there.   In Glendale’s case, likely another apartment building is gonna go up, but maybe Larry’s long-dreamed-of Crate & Barrel will show up.  🙂

Larry’s West Coast Memorial is this weekend

I haven’t posted yet my thoughts from around Larry’s funeral earlier this month back in New Jersey, as I’ve been chronologically adding back in journal entries to the site.  Needless to say, the funeral was a lot to deal with.  This weekend, we are having Larry’s memorial for those who were not able to make it to New Jersey for the funeral or sitting shiva.   It will be at my wonderful friend Barb’s house and I think it will be much less intense than the funeral.   I can’t deny that I’m starting to have some stress about it, as this will be a lot of people who were in my and Larry’s lives on a regular basis all coming to think and remember him.  These past two weeks have not been easy – Larry’s absence is entirely all-consuming.  I don’t know who I am or how to be without him.  And that will be first and foremost in my mind as we celebrate him this weekend.

I should probably relax a little though – I’m going to have so many friends around me, as well as some family.  Not sure if I’m going to say anything, but if so, it obviously won’t be the same as what I said at the funeral.  I’m happy that Michancy is coming into town tonight.  I’m going to take tomorrow off as I think just relaxing is needed ahead of this weekend.

While futzing around this site, I found myself back in posts I made back in 2008 when Larry and I were first starting to date.   I then cried when reading the post when I asked him to be my boyfriend.  I can remember those moments so clearly, but it is so nice to have something written down from at the time to see how optimistic and hopeful I was.   Let’s see if that kind of energy can return to me.

Guinan Returns

I just saw that on The View today, Patrick Stewart was on to talk about his show, Star Trek: Picard, which is premiering on CBS All Access this week.  So right out of the gate, this news just is so bittersweet, as I know Larry was so excited to see the return of Jean Luc Picard to television.  I will wait until after the show premieres to post the pictures and video I have, but Larry was able to go with his good friend Greg and visit the set of the show in Santa Clarita this past fall.  Talk about an awesome treat.   He didn’t get to meet Patrick Stewart unfortunately, but he did get to go on the set of the show’s spaceship as well as see a couple scenes being filmed, notably one with Jeri Ryan.  But Larry died too soon to be able to get to see the show itself.

That was preamble to the news today from The View:  Patrick Stewart extended an invitation to Whoopi Goldberg to be on Season 2 of Picard.  So. Fucking. Cool.   Larry would have been so excited to learn that news.   I know stuff like this may seem trivial but goddamn Larry loved ST:TNG and the return of the cast in Picard was something that made him happy.  And god damn the fact that he died of cancer so fucking soon.  I’ll never be okay with this.

Diversions: Sveta in the City

The next day, on Saturday, we checked out at 8am, and headed right into the city.  The weather was unseasonably warm for NJ/NY in January, with the temps hitting the high 60s, which followed the prior days being in the 30s and 40s.  It was a perfect day to show NYC to Sveta, as there was no traffic going into the city and very little tourist traffic in the city.   We parked at 53rd & 6th, then walked up 6th to look for a breakfast place.  Walked by Rue 57 and had to laugh as we were there around 8:45am and the hostess inside just glared at us while we futilely tried to open the door, realizing it wasn’t open till 9am.  We strolled up another block to see that Jam’s Restaurant was open, so screw you Rue 57.  It was a delightful breakfast and had mostly nice ambience to give Sveta a taste of fun NYC restaurants, although the shrieking toddlers in attendance made us want to do horrible things.  Ah well, you can’t have it all it seems.

After a nice, leisurely breakfast, we continued walking up 6th and into Central Park, meandering around the lower section of the park, with me pointing out the area landmarks that I knew, and reminiscing about Larry’s love for running there.  Seeing all the runners around made me miss him more.  He loved his weekend runs there.  Made it to Bethesda Fountain, then headed west to 72nd St, where we were able to see the Strawberry Fields area, the Dakota, my old apartment, and then turned south on Broadway to walk back to Midtown.

At 50th, we headed to Rockefeller Center to visit the Top of the Rock observation deck.  I think it’s the most spectacular view of NYC over all the others.  Got some great photos in.   Saw the Rink, we went to Magnolia Bakery so Nicki could get some banana pudding, and by then our feet were exhausted.  It was time for lunch by this point, and while sitting by a fountain out front of Rock Center, I realized Ippudo Westside was nearby, so we continued over there, enjoying the sights.  Happily, no wait to get seated there for lunch, and dammmmn it was good.  Didn’t have time for more activities as they were flying out that afternoon at 5, and we managed to get back to the car right at 2, with them dropping me off back at Fran and Joel’s around 2:30pm, and they headed off to Newark.

At Fran and Joel’s I was pretty fucking exhausted, and I ended up taking a short nap while Fran and a bunch of her girlfriends were talking.  Joel’s brother Herbie and his wife Aileen were also there, and I got to chat with them.  Pretty much there was gabbing going on until about 10:30pm, and by that point I was done, D-U-N.  Managed to sleep pretty great on the couch this time.

Today, Sunday, I was flying back home, but not until 4pm.  Joel, Fran and I had a nice talk over breakfast about the future and what it holds – I do feel that I was wrong about my initial assessment and I feel terrible that I ever said it to Larry.  This family is my family, and they’re not casting me out.  I am relieved, as my own families (by blood) are just really not a big aspect of my life anymore, regrettably.  Stacie called and during the call, got a chance to talk to Fran.  I guess Larry’s watch is going to Trent.  That’s good with me.  A second shiva was being hosted today at Fran’s, starting at 2.  But people came over earlier of course, with Herbie and Aileen coming over late in the morning, David & Donna stopping by briefly and then heading out as they were flying home to Florida today.   Jon & Alyssa, Brad & Tina were over earlier too, and I was glad to get to say goodbye to them again.  I headed out at 1:45pm and now I’m on a flight headed home.  Some part of me is relieved for this weekend to be done, but I also can’t help but brace for what is to come in the months (and years)to come.

Pics from the flight home to LA: