The 17th Season of Big Brother Has Begun!

BB17 Episode 1 – June 24, 2015

Like I just wrote earlier today, I honestly can’t believe that we’re back already.  What the hell happened to the rest of 2014 and the beginning of 2015?  Oh yeah, a SHIT TON of things happened.  That makes it so much more surprising that we’re back here living our lives around the Big Brother schedule, because that’s what one does when the world’s most addictive show is back on the air.  Who needs sun or work?

Anyway, remember last year where the first thing I posted was all about the hotness of Cody?  DEJA VU, MOTHERFUCKERS:

BB17_ep1_clay1We’ll start things off slowly and easily, with hotness here holding some nippled milk cartons.

BB17_ep1_clay2So yeah, he’s handsome as all hell.  DAMN.  Okay, you’ve been good and patient enough – here’s the good stuff:

BB17_ep1_clay3 BB17_ep1_clay4 BB17_ep1_clay5 BB17_ep1_clay6Maybe I got a little carried away with the screenshots…but maybe I didn’t!  Maybe I need to learn how to make animated GIFs and capture this whole fucking moment because it was glorious and ridiculous.  I hereby sign up for the Clay BB17 Hour, sponsored by Chippendale’s.  DAMN BOY.  Please pull a Cody and make it to the end of the show.  I can’t deal if the only real eye candy this year heads out fast.

Okay, with THAT out of the way, here’s the lowdown on everyone else we met, as if they matter:

bigbrother17_136x170_megmaleyMeg

She’s a waitress from New York City and seems to be a lot of fun.  Reminds me of a much less spastic Joey from last season.  Plus, the girl is friends with Andrea from two seasons of Survivor, who was all hanging out with her as if we didn’t recognize her.  Unfortunately for her, the other girls didn’t bring her into the alliance talk.

bigbrother17_136x170_jameshulingJames

Yeah, so I think I was caught completely unawares of how James would speak and act from just his picture.  Racist!  But still, it’s kind of awesome how southern he is and talks and acts.  Way to challenge preconceptions!  Plus, with his early HoH win, he could be an early favorite…or target.

bigbrother17_136x170_jaceagolliJace

In this picture of him, I swear he looks a lot like Blake Lively.  Anyway!  He’s a goofball Xtreme sports guy from Venice and reminds me heavily of Hayden from last year.  Hopefully for him he’s a bit more sophisticated of a player than Hayden, but I’m not optimistic.  Either an early boot or kept around forever as a vote.

bigbrother17_136x170_audrymiddletonAudrey

A pretty and athletic woman from outside Atlanta, Georgia and ready to win it all…and we find out a bit into the episode that she’s the first transgender woman on Big Brother.  Happily no one freaks out and is pretty cool with the whole thing.  Go, Audrey.  Plus, she’s already playing the game hard and working alliances with the other girls.  Interesting to see how this plays out.

bigbrother17_136x170_austinmatelsonAustin

A huge guy who claims to have a secret Judas side, which is the character that comes out when he’s wrestling professionally.  Has already lied about his physical state to the others, claiming he’s got lots of injuries.  I think he could be kinda cute if he sheared his fur off.  Also kind of wondering if he’s a Subtle Gay, based on comments he’s made.  Will be monitoring the situation.

bigbrother17_136x170_davonnerogersDa’Vonne

A single mother from Inglewood who is an experienced poker dealer, she came in to the house with no pretenses.  She’s here to win and get that money, and I have nothing but respect for that.  Plus, she’s been funny so far, so I’m hoping she will stick around and show that she’s got what it takes to win.

bigbrother17_136x170_clayhoneycuttClay

HOT DAMN.  I wonder if it’s a better thing to have just one piece of singular hotness to focus on rather than have some meaningless competition between another hot guy like last season…but I mean seriously, it was hilarious to see every woman go in to the house and immediately say, “DAAAYYYUUUMMM.”  I don’t even care that Big Brother was completely pandering to us with that montage of shirtless football playing.  You could tell even he was laughing about it.  I do worry though about his long-term prospects.  Prove me wrong, Clay.  And burn your shirts.  All of them.   For the people.

bigbrother17_136x170_shellipooleShelli

The last houseguest we met.  Honestly, none of the women this year seem to be ditzy, at least not yet.  I mean, Shelli is part of the initial, tentative girls’ alliance, she’s already having the Heart Murmurs Club with Clay (bitch!, I mean, that’s nice), and I like her.  So she may have the potential to go far.  But you know these snap judgments aren’t worth a shit after Week 1.

The Game Begins

I will spare you recaps of all the nitnoid small talk shit that surrounds the initial entry into the house.  Or will I?  Some things were kind of interesting around what was chosen to be revealed:

  • Clay, King of Hotness, didn’t reveal he was a former football player from Texas A&M.  Frankly, I don’t know why that would be a negative.  Who cares?
  • Austin lied about his physical state but did reveal he was a wrestler.  I guess it helps to try to reduce the target from his giant back.
  • Audrey quickly revealed she was transgender, and admits that was the first time she’s publicly stated it.  Again, you go girl.
  • Da’Vonne claimed to be a 2nd-grade teacher and sold it like it was no big deal.  I’m interested to see how this poker dealer does, especially when it was previewed that an upcoming houseguest is a poker player.  Will they sense each other?

Twists Twists Twists!

BB17_ep1_juliesayshelloIf it’s summer, that means Big Brother is on.  If Big Brother is on, that means there will be twists, and Julie explicitly told these first 8 houseguests there will be TWO, but told us there were actually going to be THREE.

  • The first twist revealed was that a fan-favorite was returning:  Battle of the Block is back.  We all know how that works from last season, but if you don’t remember, it’s the system with 2 HoHs, 2 sets of nominees (for 4 total), and the ability to dethrone one of the HoHs.  After that, it’s whittled down to 2 nominees and the regular gameplay continues, including the Power of Veto stuff.
  • After the HoH Comp (more on that in a bit), Julie also revealed the all new twist called BB Takeover.  Every week, a jingle will play indicating the takeover has begun.  Each week, something or someone new will influence the game in a unique way, so everyone will have to be ready to Expect the Unexpected.  No more details though, so I guess we’ll have to see what this first week brings us to see what this actually means.
  • Privately to America, Julie revealed the last twist, Twin Twist.  Much like Season 5’s Adria (I think that’s the right name), one of the houseguests this season has an identical twin, and these two people will rotate in and out of the house.  If they can survive the first 5 eliminations, they’ll have the chance (I believe it was a chance, not a guarantee) to both enter the house to compete.  If Clay has a twin, I’ll fall over.

The First Tentative Alliance of the Season

bb17_ep1_girlsuniting

 

Every year is kind of the same, isn’t it?  Usually the alpha-male guys of the group immediately click and bond and declare an alliance and almost always there’s a complementary group of girls who also decide that the girls need to stick together and take out the guys.  Not to generalize too much, but this almost always dissolves in about Hour 5 of their time in the house.  Do I think that Da’Vonne, Audrey, and Shelli should work together?  Absolutely.  They have so far been shown to be intelligent and observant of the game, and supportive of each other.  I thought for sure Da’Vonne was going to privately tell us that she couldn’t believe Audrey was milking the group for empathy when telling her tale about how her family ultimately embraced her, but then she surprised me with complete support of the move and recognizing that’s great for their alliance.  So we’ll see if the Nameless Alliance can stick together.  Prove me wrong, girls!  Oh yeah, the other divergence from tradition was that instead of discussing alliances, the guys ended up talking about working out.  Maybe that’s the same thing?

The First Head of Household Competiton of the Season

bb17_ep1_hoh_awkwardinterviewsIt started off kind of painfully, with some guy from Entertainment Tonight doing a kind of red-carpet Q&A session.  Shelli revealed a bit too much about who she’s hot for (Ryan Reynolds, who Clay does resemble quite a lot) and then it got weird when the guy (am I supposed to know who this guy was?) just keeps saying to the short, Asian James, “look at you.”  Like, get the fuck outta here with that.  What’s he trying to imply?  Anyway, that mercifully ended and we got to the actual competition.  And oh yeah, for some reason, before they even got out there, Julie required someone to not participate?  That was odd, and while Austin was considering it, Da’Vonne immediately volunteered, but with the promise that she wouldn’t be nominated first. Everyone agreed, but c’mon now, this is Big Brother.

BB17_ep1_hoh_arenaEveryone was on a small suspended platform, each of which would move in sync up and down and in and out.  Not only did you need to stay on the board without falling off, you also had to try to catch “tomatoes” that were hurled at you every so often during the next round of “Boos” for your terrible movie you were there to promote, UFOh NO!!!!.  Zingbot, save us!

BB17_ep1_hoh_tomatoexplosionIt was going pretty well for James, Audrey, and Jace as they ended up at a three-way tie with 5 tomatoes saved each, but then after a particularly jolting movement by the platforms, all 4 remaining houseguests fell off the boards.  At the same time.  The producers had to review the footage and see who touched the red carpet last, and in a somewhat fair turn of events, James, who had the most tomatoes at that point, fell to the floor last and won HoH.

BB17_ep1_hoh_winnerjamesSo the South Carolinean James wins the first HoH but knows that a second HoH is on its way very soon, and all the stress of trying to not rock the boat too hard will be on him.  This first week always has to be played so delicately:  if you do or say absolutely anything that people can use as a reason to target you, you’re fucked.  We’ll see!  Tomorrow night shows us the remaining 6 contestants and then we’ll get into the real nitty gritty….which is capturing more screenshots of dreamy Clay.

Status and Standings

I have to continue my charts, so here goes with the first 8 contestants.  I’ve drawn a nameless form around the three women who openly declared an alliance with each other and lines between those folks who had particular interactions.

BB17_Ep1_StandingsHead of Household #1:  James

Coming Up, the other 6 (or 8?) houseguests arrive…. –>

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.